Life is all about change. Many things have changed within the past year but I wouldn’t go as far to say that I have changed.
There are things I struggle with everyday. Lately it has been about laziness vs. depression. Is depression real? Is what I am feeling “depression?” Is this just a cop-out?
Life is also about choices but I wouldn’t say that I choose to be this way.
Friday I had my yearly review at work. I’ve been with the company since June 2009. There are definitely some pros and cons with the way I work. Attendance and tardiness is something that I have struggled with my whole life. Always missing school or being late to school. Losing jobs because of being late and or absent. This is actually the longest I have been employed at one job. I haven’t missed many days. I’m rarely sick in the conventional sense so that isn’t ever an excuse for me to miss work. Usually it is because I do not want (or can’t?) get out of bed. So I am late. Some days it’s 2 minutes other days it’s several hours. Obviously some days are better than others. Monday being the worst. C’est la vie.
But I want change. I want to do something about this. Sometimes I think maybe I’m bipolar because I go through these phases where I intensely organize how I am going to achieve all these fantastic things that I never end up doing. I spend hours and hours planning but never follow through. One might say because I simply enjoy planning and organizing… but is it something more than that?